I stand in our gate at the bottom of the staircase, on the inside of the unbreakable glass gate, and try to open the lock. There is an ambulance outside on the street. I can see the paramedics through the glass of the gate. Their fat faces have a yard like the moon. The key turns, but I struggle in vain, I can't open the gate, and I have to let them in, or it's too late. But the lock does not move. I call for help, but no one on the three floors listens. They can't hear me. Of course they don't, because I'm just loitering, empty as a fish. 

My own scream alarms me.

I killed Emerenc.